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Writer's pictureNeuroDverse

How to help children to improve social skills and build friendships

Updated: Sep 27, 2023


Children Socializing
Children Socializing

Socializing and making friends is a skill that we start learning since the beginning of life. It starts with our mother looking into our eyes and then us smiling at others and receiving reinforcement for it in the form of physical interaction or verbal praise. Non verbal language plays also an important role in socialization, there are social signals that one begins to learn from the experiences of others, family explanations or trial- error method.


But sometimes, socializing does not comes naturally and could be very difficult for some kids, particularly for children under autism spectrum disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or an intellectual disability. Some kids do not get social relations laws by only being exposed to them, even when this is important, some kids needs prompts and learning cues.


At NeuroDverse, part of our work is to help children to improve their social skills. But as we always say, therapies are just a piece for guidance and training, the discipline for continue applying learned techniques and help kids to deal with social situations it depends on their primary caregiver and family. To help caregivers and families in these processes is one of our priorities and the better way to complement our therapies.


If you are a caregiver or just want to help someone struggling with social relations, here are some steps you can follow to help children around:


Tips for practice at common social situations
  • Greetings and questions. Make a habit of practicing greetings throughout the day. Model good listening for your child, and take turns asking and answering conversation starters like, "How are you?"

  • Calm body movements. Sometimes it can be hard for children with sensory disorders to keep a calm body. Have your child practice giving their body enough room and keeping personal space between themselves and others by teaching them to use an arm's-length distance.

  • Appropriate level of voice. Encourage your child to listen and match the level of your voice. Imagine your voice has a volume dial and practice turning the volume up and down while playing.

  • Eye contact. Looking directly into someone's eyes can be difficult, so help your child instead look at different parts of your face or practice looking at their own eyes in the mirror.

  • Reading and responding to social signals. As we previously said, people regularly communicate using more than just words. Social signals are the variety of ways in which we communicate through body language and facial expressions. Often this can be tricky to detect for some children. Help your child recognize common social signals by asking what someone's body or face might be saying during social events.


Rerouting challenging behaviors

Our daily work at Neurodverse is to address challenging behaviors like impulsivity and aggression that can get in the way of making and keeping friends. Here are some exercises parents can do to complement therapies:

  • Patience. Learning how to wait for a turn to play or a time to speak in a conversation is an important social skill. Practice waiting with a timer, gradually building up from 10 seconds, to one minute, to five minutes.

  • Flexibility. Help your child make compromises using first/then statements, such as, "First we play your way, then my way." Model flexible play and redirect with new toys to show how play can evolve.

  • Communicating strong emotions. Handling strong feelings can be difficult sometimes. Practice communicating these feelings effectively either by asking for help, using an emotions board, or taking a break.


Encouraging social opportunities

We strongly believe social spaces offer chances for children to find activities they enjoy and where they are able to practice the social and emotional skills they are learning and even meet other children practicing these same skills. Based on this, in Neurodverse we don't limit our therapies to be at our Office or Client's House, we also offer and recommend to parents the possibility of our therapists going to children's social spaces like Schools, Daycares and Parks to apply our therapies on social environments closer to the reality of the kid to promote generalization and to get even better results. Here are some tips for creating and expanding your child's social network:

  • Structure and organize play dates. Set up the environment before a play date by making a list of activities to do with a friend, then picking out of a hat which activities to do and in what order.

  • Make a list of things that are fun to do and invite others to join. Look for free or low-cost programs or events out in the community.

  • Connect with other parents. Set up an activity for your children like an ice cream date, going on a walk, or a game night with adults and kids together. These encounters can give rise to repeat, planned social interactions.

  • Look into facilitated recreational activities like a Lego club or pizza parties with teachers. Plan to bring a support person if needed.


Be aware of sensory needs that your child may experience during social skills practice and rehearsal techniques by identifying your son social cues by yourself, so you understand when is time to stop. Promote functional communication for your kid and always connect to find their inner motivation.


This post is based on information taken from Harvard Health Publishing (HHP)

You can read the full article here





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