Love That Transforms: Acceptance and Respect in Neurodiversity

Yesterday I finished watching the Queen Charlotte series. While I had really enjoyed the first part of the Bridgerton saga, this series, which explores the Queen's youth, left an even deeper impression on me.

Today I was talking to a friend and I was telling her how much the series has in common with my work, with what I do every day and with my way of seeing situations. Queen Charlotte's attitude towards her husband, the king, is impressive and worthy of admiration in this part of the story.

One of the messages that struck me the most was the moment when the king, in his attempt to receive the best treatments of the science of the time, is subjected to cruel practices that were believed necessary to "cure" him. When Queen Charlotte finds him suffering, she immediately orders that he be freed. When the doctor explains that these techniques are for his well-being, she responds with a powerful phrase:

"I don't care if the king is cured of his disorder. I prefer that he has it, but that he is happy and that his soul is at peace."

This message is a strong call to all parents, therapists, teachers and anyone involved with children or adults who have a developmental or behavioral disorder. We cannot change the essence of a person or use punitive methods just because we believe that they are the solution. We are talking about human beings with emotions, who in one way or another want to belong, to find their place in the world.

Punishment, while it may bring results, should only be considered in situations where safety is at risk, and even then, with careful consideration. Who are we to punish someone just because they don't do what we expect? Maybe they don't have the ability, motivation, or ability to do otherwise. And in any of those cases, their reason is valid.

We, who wish to help, have the responsibility to foster skills and motivation without forcing processes. All lasting learning must have organic growth, otherwise it only leads to superficial and fleeting solutions.

We live in a society that rewards immediacy, where the result is valued more than the process. But this way of relating to the world has made us lose the natural rhythm of things and empathy with the times of each individual.

It is true that the way a neurodivergent person processes information may differ from the majority. And, although it is utopian to expect the entire society to change immediately, we can do our part. We can help these people to have optimal development within their possibilities, not to be the same as neurotypicals, but to be independent and live with the necessary tools for this.

Another message that moved me deeply in the series was that of unconditional acceptance. When Charlotte says to the king:

"To me, you're just George. You're Farmer King George. That's what you are to me. No matter how you think or what disorder you have, I'll be here to remind you where heaven is and where earth is, and to help you land with me."

Having someone who supports you, who understands you, and whose love is unconditional is a human need, and even more so for those living with a developmental or psychological disorder. Acceptance is the first step to change and growth. Genuine connection is the foundation of cooperation.

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Here are some tips to support anyone who is going through a stressful situation at a psychological or developmental level:

• Lower your expectations and accept the person in front of you.

• Focus on their abilities and what they can do.

• Offer support in pursuing their dreams, in a sensible way.

• Seek help if the situation is causing you too much stress.

• Educate yourself without assuming – Learn about neurodivergence, but remember that every person is unique.

• Listen and validate – Their experiences and emotions are real, even if you don’t fully understand them.

• Avoid correcting their way of being – They don’t need to “fit in,” but rather an environment that respects and supports them.

• Adapt communication – Some people require more time, visual support, or alternative ways to express themselves.

• Don't measure their worth by neurotypical standards – Everyone has unique strengths and ways of interacting with the world.

• Respect their sensory needs – Sounds, textures, or lights may be uncomfortable for them.

• Be an ally, not a savior – They are not “broken” or in need of “fixing,” just inclusion and respect.

This Valentine’s Day, let’s celebrate love in its purest form: unconditional acceptance. Loving someone doesn’t mean changing them, but rather supporting them on their own path, respecting their essence and giving them the tools to flourish. As parents, therapists, and community, our greatest gift is creating spaces where every person, no matter their differences, feels seen, valued, and understood.

Let's continue building a more inclusive world together, promoting Acceptance and Respect in Neurodiversity, where love is the engine of change and empathy our guide.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Gretel Debasa Marimon

BCBA, Founder of NeuroDverse